Strange

*********************************************************************************************************************** I am so drained, like I have nothing to give anymore. My sea of feelings, despair, sadness, dreams, aspirations has sunk in to the hole in the recesses of my soul, broken heart, self, so and I can't seem to get out of this fit. I am in the middle of myself, a lake, fountain, so dry and exhausted. I feel like I'm sucked and drowning. I couldn't breathe and couldn't move. Three people were there beside me, I don't know whether to help or guide me, but from what? Help, help!!!!, I whispered, then shouted but as if I don't have a voice to be heard by the crowd. Then, there's this tiny spark, that light. Like a candle lit from somewhere and sparked continuously from where I was like wild fire. It ignited something inside me to move forward and refill my dried heart to pursue someone, to trust and be brave to fall in love, again!!! I lived my life without trusting my life and my future with anybody including my family. So, it's been a lonely road for me as I work and succeed in my goals, dreams and aspirations in life. I always think twice if a girl or a person would talk to me or befriend me. I can be obsessive compulsive when it comes to women but I don't know how to handle them so thank God he hasn't given my parents a girl for my sibling. I only have three brusque brothers who I am very close with until now. My mom and dad lives in the upper east side of Texas and I live in a small town in Houston. I decided to study and work in Los Angeles but when I owned my own corporation I built a company near home yet lived that way I wanted in New York and California. I still love to go to bars and hang out with friends but I never let myself fall for any girl, however pretty, nice and hot they are. I maybe rich but I'm not dumb nor helpless, deranged nor desperate. I act like I don't care but I do love my girlfriends and when they get drunk I am their prince charming who will fetch and care for them without malice or take advantage of them when they're throwing up and saying I love you at me in person or on calls. It's kind of depressing but it's just that most of the times. However, I live my life free from worry and stress since I live alone and I don't have a pet nor a maid to tell me what to do or bother me when I wanted to sleep late or come home late at night or the next morning. Life is simple, free and uncomplicated. I thought what I feel is me, but I only reflect what the people around me feels or experiencing. My dreams and visions are what I see in others and how they affect me in every situation, good or bad. It isn't I who felt suffocated, used, angry or scared but the people I meet or encounter with. The hurt I endured is the pain one girl felt upon herself. The longing I felt is the desire one girl felt for her friend crush/ And another girl who felt love for a lone time best friend who cares for her just the same.